Falling in Love with Someone who Suffers from “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” (NPD)…

by | Jan 23, 2020 | Call to Action, Raising Awareness

Salutations Everyone!

Yesterday, on my Facebook page, I shared one of my truths…I said:

“Truth Alert: Once upon a time, I lost myself by falling in love with someone who suffers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder…💔

If you have a person in your life who is toxic and makes you feel like you’re going crazy…No matter what you do, it’s never enough…You’re NEVER right…You’re NEVER enough… They NEVER say sorry when they have wronged you, and somehow they shift the blame to you…

You might have a NARCISSIST on your hands…”

After my post, I had people (both male and female) sending me private messages…Some telling me that they went through similar situations…Some telling me that this post opened their eyes, and that their toxic relationship makes sense now…Some asking me how I got out, because they’ve been trying to leave and they can’t.

So I’m sharing this post across all of my social media platforms in hopes that my truth will liberate others…If I am to truly be a child of God, I’ve gotta do God’s work. If telling my painful truth will lead others to freedom, then so be it. 

Please note, I’m not a psychologist, I’m only stating my experience with this person…This is my truth…

Let me start over again, once upon a time, I fell in love with someone who suffers from “Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)” and this relationship nearly killed me. No one understood what I was going through, not even my own family… And his family forever looked at me as a terrible person for leaving, but I was literally running for my life…

Nothing I did was right…Everything he did was to be glorified, but everything I did with my life was minute/not important. There would be important events in my life, which I would invite him to, and he wouldn’t show up, because he had “more important things to do”. I was ridiculed by him for not making a lot of money, and I was constantly being compared to other women who were, and I quote “better than” me. He would do and say hurtful things to me, and I’m a sensitive person, so I would bawl my eyes out, and he wouldn’t care; he would just watch me cry and not even flinch. I would be broken over our arguments, and the next day he would act as if nothing ever happened…

He also did his best to isolate me…And made me distrust people in my circle… Now I know it was all a part of his plan to keep me away from the truth. Like I said before, I was never enough for him, so there was always some other chick in the picture. And the less I was in public (and the less contact with people), the slimmer the chances of me finding out… But I knew.,.

Everything was ALWAYS MY FAULT. I never got an apology when he wronged me; I would get “I’m sorry, but I did this because of you… If you didn’t… Then I wouldn’t have…” Never a straight apology…

The relationship got so toxic that my health began to deteriorate; I was constantly sick and weak, and I didn’t know why…Once I was admitted into the hospital for having symptoms of a stroke…The hospital ran numerous tests… Finally the doctor pulled me aside and said: “You know stress kills right? Whatever it is that is stressing you, you need to get it out of your life, because you will die..” I realized, it was him or me…And my daughters DID NOT deserve to lose their mother because of some man… So I said:

I have to GET OUT…

So I left, which was the hardest thing I ever did, because he didn’t want to let me go…He tormented me…Sometimes I wanted to go back, just so the tormenting would stop…Friends would ask me why I keep going back and allowing this man to treat me like shit…

I would say:

“It’s either your WITH THE HUNTER, or YOU ARE the HUNTED…”

They just couldn’t get it… But unless you have dealt with someone like this, you wouldn’t get it. 

I tried to be friends with him after the break up, because I don’t like to have enemies, but I quickly learned that YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS NPD!!

I would give him an inch, he would take a yard…Give him a window, and he would jump right back in and try to control my life and manipulate me…I just had to leave him alone, and not interact with him at all.

Now after I left, the “smear campaign” began… Everyone he knew looked at me as this “rotten bitch” and he made himself out to be the victim in all of this…Some people stopped talking to me; that hurt a lot… But what could I really do about this? This man has charm, and a way with words; he is so convincing, so there’s no way anyone would believe me…

He broke me into a million pieces…He and his people will never understand the damage that he did to me… I’ve come to terms with that. But only after leaving him was I able to fix and find myself again…

His mental abuse had changed me as a person… I wasn’t the same when I was with him; I wasn’t myself: I was weary, sad and depressed. But boy could I put on a show when I was in public! Before I met him, I was always laughing, cracking jokes and smiling etc. so I figured that if people are to think I’m okay, I gotta keep laughing and smiling. 

Now that he is no longer in my life, I’m good… I honestly think and know that I am awesome. I know that I am a good person. I know my purpose in my life…I know I’m worth it (whatever “it” may be LOL)… I am who God intended me to be. There are still pieces of myself that I have to find, but day by day, I’m finding them, and putting them together. I am blessed and highly favored, and day by day, I realize this more.

Understand that mental illnesses like these know no boundaries, EVERYONE in their life gets subjected to this treatment. And don’t expect them to change… Without professional help, they CANNOT change because they are not even aware that they have a problem; they think that something is wrong with everybody else.

I don’t hate him…I wanted to hate him because of the damage he caused… But I realized that it’s not his fault, it’s the illness…I hate the mental illness though…I’ve watched him damage other people because of this illness.

Now, the dating pool is so small these days, so sometimes we are inclined to stay in toxic situations like the one I just described… You start saying things like “There are some people that are being physically abused…That’s not happening here, so I should just suck it up…” Please believe that mental abuse is not to be minimized when compared to physical abuse. THEY ARE BOTH BAD! If anything, the “scars” from mental abuse last longer…Yes, some people have lost their lives because they were murdered by their partner…But there are individuals who have been mentally abused that lost their lives too: the only difference is that the relentless mental abuse drove them to think that their life wasn’t worth living, and they killed themselves. Or they felt that this person would never stop, so the only way for the pain to stop is to end their life. So please don’t undermine the power of mental abuse to do irreversible harm. 

IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A MENTAL DISORDER, AND THEY WON’T ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THEY HAVE A PROBLEM, PLEASE GET OUT. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT. 

I hope that my truth will set someone free… I hope that my truth will save someone’s soul… I hope that my truth will save someone’s life.

Finally, here is some information from www.psychologytoday.com 

The hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. People with this condition are frequently described as arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. They may also have grandiose fantasies and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. These characteristics typically begin in early adulthood and must be consistently evident in multiple contexts, such as at work and in relationships.

People with NPD often try to associate with other people they believe are unique or gifted in some way, which can enhance their own self-esteem. They tend to seek excessive admiration and attention and have difficulty tolerating criticism or defeat.

Symptoms

Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, according to the DSM-5, exhibit five or more of the following, which are present by early adulthood and across contexts:

  • A grandiose sense of self-importance
  • Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
  • Belief that one is special and can only be understood by or associate with special people or institutions
  • A need for excessive admiration
  • A sense of entitlement (to special treatment)
  • Exploitation of others
  • A lack of empathy
  • Envy of others or the belief that one is the object of envy
  • Arrogant, haughty behavior or attitudes

Individuals with NPD can be easily stung by criticism or defeat and may react with disdain or anger—but social withdrawal or the false appearance of humility may also follow according to the DSM-5.

A sense of entitlement, disregard for other people, and other aspects of NPD can damage relationships. While a person with NPD may be a high-achiever, the personality disorder can also have a negative impact on performance (due to, for instance, one’s sensitivity to criticism).

Researchers have reported associations between NPD and high rates of substance abuse, mood, and anxiety disorders. These may be attributable to characteristics such as impulsivity and the increased experience of shame in people with NPD.

The presence of narcissistic traits in adolescence does not necessarily imply that a person will have NPD as an adult.

Causes

Causes of narcissistic personality disorder are not yet well-understood. Genetic and biological factors as well as environment and early life experiences are all thought to play a role in the development of this condition.

Treatment

Treatment for narcissistic personality disorder can be challenging because people with this condition present with a great deal of grandiosity and defensiveness, which makes it difficult for them to acknowledge problems and vulnerabilities. Psychotherapy may be useful in helping people with narcissistic personality disorder relate to others in a healthier and more compassionate way.